The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize