Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Ladies don't puke and tell
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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