Do you still have your period?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
