sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
