I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
