She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
