my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
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We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
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He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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