Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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