He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Mom said you looked used
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
