i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
