I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
