Whatcha textin bout Willis?
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
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