dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
