I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
