Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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