He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
