I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Randomize
