I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
