He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
