I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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