my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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