I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
