dude i'm inner monologue high
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
