she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
whose parrot is this?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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