What did we do last night that was yellow?
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Randomize
