If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
You smell like a Billy Joel song
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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