Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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