A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
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