I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
