A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
