Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
