First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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