omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
