I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Randomize
