Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
