I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
It's rum buckets o'clock
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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