The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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