So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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