I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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