i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
