thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
