I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Randomize
