I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
