He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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