I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
