I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
