does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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