I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
