I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
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