oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
My bed smells like the plague
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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