I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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