people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
