Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
