Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
