I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
