So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
