I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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