Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
