My room smells like vodka and shame
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
A+ Viking dick
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize