I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
